Tricia with “Lake of Forgiveness”

Where to begin with this one?  Oh, Lake of Forgiveness, how I struggled.

This painting started about 3 years ago as so many do – with the spirit of  experimentation.  This time  I was experimenting with some new media, gels, etc.
and thought it would be fun to play with fabric collage in the underpainting.  (It’s  basically invisible now, but under so many layers of paint, strewn across the horizon line are some fabric violets that were the original impetus for the painting. )  How many times did I not know where in the world to take this piece?  Probably a hundred, at least.  I would paint, stop, look, paint some more, then stop again and look.  The  piece was going nowhere.  So, I put it away for another time.

The painting cycled through many more overhauls until I just got sick of it and finally resolved to make something happen. So, I went to my standby- the clear landscape.  I know that when I’m lost, it’s good for me to focus on something- and often that’s a horizon line- where the sky meets the earth or water.  But even after I decided on the subject, we (the canvas and I) went round and round again.  Sometimes paintings are just “difficult”, they  don’t want to be resolved so quickly.

I can honestly say that when I titled the painting, “Lake of Forgiveness”, I still wasn’t sure if it was finished.  But when my collector saw it’s most recent incarnation paired with the title, she knew she had to have it.

Lake of Forgiveness.  For Tricia it means one thing.  She loves it because  it’s a beautiful visual reminder of  how we all need to let go of whatever we hold onto, hold against, hold over, or hold far away.  For me, it’s the same, really.  Forgiveness is something that I struggle with daily, with others and especially with myself.  Allowing myself to be more tolerant of my own humanity and a little less critical of my flaws.  Allowing it to not be perfect all the time, allowing myself to make mistakes and still love myself and love those mistakes.

That canvas and I had a lot of forgiving to do of each other until I finally gave it a title and deemed it finished.  The struggle was long.  But that’s what a practice offers- the opportunity to struggle through something and come out the other side- with whatever the lesson holds.  Painting isn’t just about making pretty pictures for me.  It’s a practice that work with that continues to take me to the other side- where peace resides.

And now I hit the ball to your court:  Where can you do some forgiving? And then share.  Why, you ask?  Because it’s courageous to share.  And life is now.

I am grateful for:

1. Being a new mommy and all of the trials, tribulations and joys that come with it.
2. Living in a place where it’s like paradise in the winter.
3. Having creative talent and being able to express it in many forms.
4. My wonderful friends who are there for me whenever I need them.
5. My husband who, even though he sometimes drives me crazy, completely loves me. And I him.
6. Being able to sit and type out this list.
7. Being a stepmom to 2 boys who I get the privilege to watch grow.
8. My wonderful family and all of the characters we are.
9. Other new mom friends who share the journey with me.
10. My yoga practice and how much it helps me to relax and breathe and open to the present moment.
11. Living in a beautiful house that I had the opportunity to remodel with all of my own choices.
12. Living in a country where I have so many freedoms.
13. Having a studio where I get to play and create and dream.
14. My sweet kitty who taught me how to love animals.
15. My car- it carries lots of stuff and takes me lots of places! ( I lived without a car for 10 years and didn’t miss it, but now I need one.)
16. Having a blog and a website where I can share my art.
17. Learning about natural eating and living and how it has impacted my life.
18. Knowing that my attitude makes a huge difference in how my day goes.
19. Putting the above into practice as often as possible.
20. I’m thankful that there is such a thing as the arts- music, dance, theatre, visual, all of which make life so much better.
21. Radio shows.
22. Good TV.
23. KCRW radio
24. the internet! (remember before the internet?)
25. my awesome phone and all of the amazing technology on it- actually just technology in general.
26. Seeing beauty in everything.
27. My healthy body and mind and spirit-
28. The fact that the landscaping in our yard is pretty much done- and we did it ourselves!
29. The angels who look after me everyday.
30. Being connected to a higher power and trusting the path I am led.

Moving Mountains, acrylic on canvas, 48×48, 2012. Original $850. Prints available.

Yesterday I went to a Mom’s group.  It was the first meeting of this group and after everyone did their  intros, we watched a little video.  It was a video about being a mom of a little one, being okay with your sink full of dirty dishes, making new friends, and most importantly about being known.  I certainly have struggled with this in the past and still sometimes do.  I was always the “different” one- the new kid, the one with the weird mom who made us eat green spaghetti, the artist, the outsider.  After many years of personal training and development,  I am pretty familiar with this archetype.  And I realize everyone has his or her own version of this. But being known- allowing yourself to be human, be vulnerable, and to be open, always speaks to me.   How can I be MORE authentic?  How can I be fully myself and express this in my life, my art?  So, I shared.  I shared in this little group about how so many of us don’t ask each other for help because we can just ‘google’ the answer, and about being the one in the group who always has a different opinion than the others, and how sometimes that person is me.  Really, I wanted to talk some more about being known, and how important this is in our everyday lives.  I realized I have been afraid of doing this in the virtual realm for fear of being misunderstood or judged.  But, I have a need – as we all do, to be known.  And it may be a little scary to step out, but I’m going to consciously do it more and more.  Often the mountains are only in our minds, easily moved.

Here is a paypal button to buy it.

Thank you for your purchase!

Paint in Progress1 from Paula Brett on Vimeo.

Abstract Water Painting Progression from Paula Brett on Vimeo.

 to see the gallery, click here.

The first one I’m choosing was introduced to me by Tiffany Cantrell in her yoga class called, “All My Body Calls” by David Whyte.

Impressionist Sunset/Homage to Whyte’s All My Body Calls), acrylic and oil on canvas, 36″x42″, 2012.

All My Body Calls
All my body calls
for something in this sleeping
earth
we call the spirit.

But how
from lifted arms
where stars run through fingers
and the night is like sand
do I breathe a fragrance of its wisdom
do I call its name
or listen to the drops
that trickle down to earth
and hear
life being given
not only through the moving hands of the forest
but through the hand that reaches in
the dark unmoving regions of the chest
and uncovers slowly
the enormous
indistinct
shape of the ocean.

~ David Whyte ~

So, I’ve been back in the studio for about a month now,  thanks to having a babysitter twice a week.  No it wasn’t easy to leave Nolan, my 4 month old, but it’s getting easier.  It’s been an interesting experience.  On my first day back, I knew I needed to make sure I had a plan for my few precious hours, so why not finish that painting that I had been working on since 2009?  Yes, it’s been that long.  The photograph on the left is the inspiration for the painting.  It was taken with my digital camera used as a pinhole.  I fell in love with pinhole photography when I used to teach photography in public school, and love it still. It’s a bit much to explain, but  for those of you interested in that topic, I can lead you the wiki here. Anyways, as I mentioned I had been working on this 5′x3.5′ canvas for a WHILE.  It was actually  the thing I was most concerned about keeping safe in the back of the U-Haul truck- precariously balanced on my heap of stuff-  on my move down to Tampa from NYC two years ago.

I entered the studio and looked at the photo- and looked at the painting.  I had been trying to really capture this moving wave by following the photo as closely as possible.  Trying to enlarge the photo paint to over 10 times it’s size was daunting, and I knew that what I really wanted to  do was capture it’s spirit of movement.  So, I ditched the photo and started to dance with the paint.  I got into the feeling of the swirling, whirling motion and the rolling forward of the water. The paint was flowing, the painting was happening, the dance was dancing, and then it was done.

I have to say that while I post it here on this computer, I actually like the photo more.  But, the painting has a life that doesn’t seem to come through in the photo.  It is different.  One is paint, the other a photo in it’s own right.  The painting actually has so much more depth than the photo through all of the layers of paint, and the sheer size of it makes it commanding.   The work will be on exhibit locally, more details later.  Regardless, it feels good to paint again.

Moving Wave, pinhole photograph, 2009.

Rolling Wave, oil on canvas, 5′x3.5′, 2012.